What I'm NOT Thankful For

 

The winter holidays are quickly approaching, and like any other year, people are preparing for the first event, Thanksgiving. Kids are getting ready for winter break, mothers and grandmothers are sharpening their cooking skills, and those of us with high expectations for Christmas morning are dropping hints for potential gifts such as, “I’m thankful for the new shipment of jeans that Buckle is getting tomorrow”. Then there are all of the art projects given to the elementary kids that display all of the things they are thankful for. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m thankful for the important things in life like family and food. I am, however, sick of hearing and talking about them, so here’s a list of things I’m not thankful for.

 

     1. Hot dogs

     2. Cats

     3. Automatic seatbelt locks

     4. Cherry Pop Tarts

     5. Desperate Housewives

     6. Geometry

     7. Flu shots

     8. Those disgusting trees they have at the golf course that smell awful

     9. Patterned socks

     10. Wii bowling

     11. Real bowling

     12. Laffy-Taffy

     13. Bad breath

     14. Tornados

     15. Shag carpet

     16. Peanut butter

     17. Peanuts

     18. Volleyball

     19. Apple sauce

     20. Wooden pencils

     21. Geese (They chase and bite.)

     22. Cassette tapes

     23. Pears

     24. Phone books

     25. The Food Network

     26. Steak

     27. Pop-Ups

     28. Raspberry anything

     29. Comb-overs

     30. Sweater vests

     31. Sherbet

     32. Aristocats- the movie

     33. Fake looking gold jewelry

     34. Grape flavored anything

     35. Straight across bangs

     36. Orange Gum (It tastes disgusting.)

     37. Wood paneling (never justifiable)

     38. Skunks

     39. Fungus (obviously)

     40. Gilmore Girls (Under no circumstances will I watch this show.)

     41. Wool blankets (The warmth isn’t worth the itchiness.)

     42. Spiders

     43. The Hulk (definitely the least appealing Avengers character)

     44. Pizza

     45. Crab apples

     46. China dolls

     47. Insects

     48. Americano home décor

     49. Police T.V. shows

     50. Dr. Pepper

     51. The intersection at 13^th and Washington

     52. Those square Kia cars

     53. Two prong outlets (Everything important is three prong.)

     54. Fur clothing

     55. Wide- ruled paper

     56. Cartoon themed fruit snacks- specifically Dora and Thomas the Train

     57. Coffee- the plain black kind

     58. Expo Markers that dry out quickly

If you actually read that entire list, you may be thinking “What a randomly hateful individual,” but believe me, I have my reasons. Well, for most of them.